When I Feel Deeply, I Try to Eat Well
When I Feel Deeply, I Try to Eat Well
Plus, details on my Sacred Cacao Ceremony and a new recipe
It would feel mild to say that my last few days have been filled with some feelings.
It would simply not give the experiences of my life, spiritual or otherwise, enough credit, because, in reality, it feels like I’ve moved through a multitude of core wounds in just a matter of days.
I’ve felt everything from intensely annoyed to deeply sad, often weeping while I listen to the sweetest of voice memos.
I’ve even experienced a kind of ferocious grief that has me roaring “THE AUDACITY!” more times in a few days than I’ve said in my entire life.
But this is what it feels like to live in the days leading up to a fiery full moon in Aries which peaks on Friday, September 29 at 5:58 am ET, especially when your own moon placement, with all its corresponding emotions, is also in the sign of Aries. (Me!)
And also, sweet souls, I believe this is what it means to simply be alive today, trying to sojourn a soulful existence in these fragile human bodies on this rapidly changing planet in this ever-expanding universe.
This is our lot, lucky us, and it’s our choice to enjoy or endure as much of it as possible. And I choose to move toward big feelings.
I share some of those wounds and big feelings in today’s podcast episode which is dedicated to the second pillar of soul work, Feel Deeply.
Now before you say, “I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s too hard. I just want to cuddle up with Meg Ryan’s new movie on a sofa with plenty of blankets and sweaters and tea,” I want to say something.
Feeling deeply is the most direct way to uncover your wounds, realize your gifts, and embody your wildest dreams. It’s not easy but it’s incredibly satisfying and satisfaction is a key element of a well-lived life.
And if you were to ask your soul, it may say to you what it says to me, “Feel it, sweet one, so we can metabolize it and move onto something even better.”
Before we get into how I soothed all of my feelings, here is where I’m going to invite you to listen to the podcast and watch my art video on Feeling Deeply.
In each of these videos, I share a little bit about my story of returning to the home within, of becoming my most integrated self, of listening to my soul.
Watch my video on Feeling Deeply below. Just press play on the image.
Now, whenever there are feelings, I self-sooth, process, and integrate by cooking or baking.
I also move my body, meditate, do breath work, drink Ceremonial Cacao, sit with spirit, watch the sunset, and so many other activities; I have a deep bench of healing modalities at the ready.
But since we moved through the Equinox shift from summer to fall, food felt most charming this past weekend.
So, on Friday night, I made a silky soup loosely based off of Melissa Clark’s recipe for Ratatouille.
I adapted it by adding in cannellini beans for creaminess and using herbs in the soup and in the fragrant, warm, infused olive oil that I drizzled on top. I stuck a slice of toasted sourdough into the soup for crunch and also for sweeping what remained on the sides of the ceramic bowl into my mouth.
On Saturday, instead of braving the rain falling during my university alumni weekend baseball game at Fenway Park, I strolled a grocery store to find the perfect ingredients for a refresh on my father’s tomato gravy.
In lieu of frying up pork neck bones like he did back when I was young, often saving that precious meat for the chef and the chef’s eldest daughter (Me!), I made mine simply with just onions, garlic, tomato paste, a small tin of tomato sauce, and a larger tin of whole tomatoes, the latter crushed by hand before tumbling them into the pot.
As the tomato sauce bubbled, I turned my attention to what turned out to be light-as-a-feather meatballs based off of this recipe for Rao’s Meatballs. Mine were made with 80% lean ground beef, an egg, minced basil, scallions and garlic, and panko bread crumbs. And then, I added just enough water to create a moist mixture.
I pan-fried small balls of the stuff, about one and half tablespoons each, in olive oil until browned on all sides and then slid them into the simmering tomatoes on the stove to finish cooking.
I added a few chicken sausages into the pot to round out the offering for my future self—because much of this was going into the freezer and to a neighbor—but I also did this to feel close to my father who loved a variety of meats—beef, veal, pork—in his special gravy.
Speaking of my father, as I was wrestling through one of the core wounds described in today’s podcast episode (I’d really appreciate if you gave it a listen), I heard him during meditation, whispering within me, mingled with my own soul’s voice.
He said, “Sweet girl, you belong. You belong to you. And, you belong to me and your mother, forever.” 😭
There was another dish I made through the intensity of all my feelings that I’m hesitant to share since it’s not very fancy. But since I’m speaking about feeling deeply, I’m going to be vulnerable and share.
One night, I didn’t feel like eating. But, I knew my body, and its rambling stomach, would wake me at some dark hour, probably out of a prescient dream with my ancestors, to remind me of THE AUDACITY of skipping dinner. So, instead, I made this dish.
I’m not sure it tempts all palates but it was fantastic on an evening when I desperately needed a warm hug from within.
Before you jump to the recipe down below, I want you to know that I’m hosting two upcoming in-real-life events in Essex, Massachusetts this Fall.
The first is a free Women’s Circle on Thursday, October 19 at 6:30pm ET where I’ll share how my soul and life’s synchronicities guided me to do some meaningful things like move to the sea, reconnect with my Mayan lineage, and offer Ceremonial Cacao, a sacred plant medicine that fosters a loving sensation in the body. I’ll also answer your questions on how to follow the signals and sounds of your own soul.
The second is my first Sacred Cacao Ceremony on Sunday, November 12 at 10:00am ET where I will guide you through an experience of softness, connection, and remembrance in order to hear vital messages from your soul and allow your next best steps to surface.
During this two hour session, a small group of us will commune with the heart of the earth, one another, and a ceremonial dosage of the medicine of the great grandmother, or sacred Guatemalan Cacao harvested and processed by Mayan elders.
Both events will be hosted at The Estuary, a holistic space and barn nestled right on the marsh, steps from the wild sea. The owners, Amy and Stefanie, will announce these offerings this week and if you’d like to claim one of the limited spots, please be in touch with them at info@theestuaryessex.com.
Now, let’s get to that recipe.
Savory Dinner Oats
Serves 1
Note: Some oat brands may not cook as quickly. I have a soft spot for this quick-cooking Trader Joe’s brand as it nourished me tenderly during an intense plant medicine ceremonial weekend this past spring.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Trader Joe’s Organic Oats with Ancient Grains and Seeds
1 teaspoon sea salt, plus more for serving
1/2 teaspoon onion salt
1/2 cup shredded cooked chicken breast
1 tablespoon salted butter
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sesame oil
2 scallions, thinly sliced
Directions:
Bring 1 cup of water to boil in a pot over medium-high heat. Add in the oats and salts, stirring frequently for 1 or 2 minutes. Stir in the chicken, butter, soy sauce, oil, and half of the scallions. Cover, remove from the heat, and wait 2 or 3 minutes. Spoon the oats into a bowl and top with the remaining scallions and more sea salt, if desired. Eat it on the sofa while watching a Meg Ryan movie like When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, or You’ve Got Mail.