Hello sweet souls,
Today is 8 Kan—and we are in the trecena of Tijax, the obsidian blade, the warrior healer, the energy of discernment and truth and cutting through to what is real. At 8 Kan, the serpent, the life force, reaches a place of harmony and wholeness. Real wisdom, coming to life. Real aliveness, coming into balance.
It feels like exactly the right day for this transmission to arrive. It is free and open to all.
This is the fourth and final transmission of May—Your Soul Is the Authority: Building Unshakeable Self-Trust—and it may be the most personal of all of them.
I named it Self-Trust Is Remembered, Not Found. Because self-trust was always yours. This human existence wiped most of it away—not permanently, but thoroughly enough that most of us spend years believing it is something we stumble upon one day. It isn’t. It is remembered. Through devotional practice, through evidence, through the deals we make between the mind and the soul, through the one step and then the next.
In this transmission, I speak honestly about what the not-knowing actually feels like in the body—the discombobulation, the grief, the anger, the slow arrival of acceptance, and finally the freedom on the other side. I share the practice of making a deal between the mind and the soul. I tell you about Ayahuasca and the moment of sovereignty in the middle of ceremony. I tell you what unshakeable actually feels like—where decisions come from now, and what it means to trust yourself even when you are an unreliable witness.
And I tell you about how the not-knowing led me here.
To this place.
To this body.
To this life.
If this month has moved something in you—if something is stirring that wants a container, a practice, a place to go deeper—I have three offerings coming in the next few weeks that I would love to hold you in:
On Sunday, May 31—I will be at Yogasource in Santa Fe for Your Soul Is the Bridge: Hear Your Soul with Cacao + the Ancestors—a 90-minute experiential gathering where I share how I came to understand that we are each a living bridge between dimensions, guided by our Soul and supported by our ancestors. Participants receive a small taste of Ceremonial Cacao, a brief invocation, and a guided drop-in to the soul field. For those curious about soul philosophy and ancestral wisdom who want a first taste of this work, as well as a taste of Cacao.
On Sunday, June 7—Sacred Cacao Circle in my private home studio. You’ll participate in an invocation and communion with Ceremonial Cacao, a beverage prepared just for you with intention, love, and the energy to activate your alignment to your Soul. It is 6 Ajmak and a day for self-forgiveness.
And on Saturday, June 20th—the Summer Solstice and 6 Toj in the Mayan Sacred Calendar—I am offering the Solstice Journey to the Altar Within, a half-day ceremonial experience in my home for up to twelve people, moving through four sacred movements: Resting, Opening, Receiving, and Emerging. Cacao served ceremonially. A guided sound journey where the ancestors are present. A sharing circle for all the wisdom that emerges. A warm meal to close.
If any of these call to you—trust that.
Sending you so much love.
Maggie
Transmission: Self-Trust Is Remembered, Not Found: The Initiation of the Not-Knowing
Get cozy, as the Soul’s voice would say. We may be here for just a little bit. And it is worth every moment.
Opening
Start: 0:00:02
This month has been building toward this. Four transmissions. One arc. And the question that brings us here: Not how do you find self-trust, but how do you remember it? Self-trust was always yours—this human existence wiped most of it away. This transmission is about the conditions for remembering. And what it feels like when it finally becomes your foundation again.
Section 1: Living in the Not-Knowing
Start: 0:04:27
The initiation nobody warns you about. What the not-knowing actually feels like—not the concept, but the lived, embodied, messy emotional reality of it. The three stages: discombobulation, acceptance, and freedom. The first years after the divorce. The grief, the anger, the chronic low-grade pain in the body. The slow radical curriculum of dating without goals. The veil lifting. The soul message that kept returning. The plane home, the tears, the hand around the neck. And the profound freedom of recording this from New Mexico—having finally arrived.
Section 2: Making a Deal Between the Mind and the Soul
Start: 0:17:09
The first tool. From my previous mentor Monica Carota—the concept of making a deal between the mind and the soul. The Toronto story from another side: what the soul was asking, what the mind was resisting, and the scaffolding that made it possible to go. Self-trust built one negotiated step at a time.
Section 3: Looking for the Evidence
Start: 0:22:36
The second tool. Not just receiving the gift at the end—noticing the evidence along the way. The Ayahuasca story: the intention set four weeks in advance, the grandmother in the rocking chair, the woman in the art shop who said your experience is as gentle as you make it. The moment of sovereignty in the middle of ceremony—choosing completion over what the medicine wanted. Hands on thighs, on stomach, on chest. Coming back. And afterward: one black obsidian palm stone in the back of a men’s hat store. The vow fulfilled. The soul field responding.
Section 4: What Unshakeable Actually Feels Like
Start: 0:32:09
Decisions moving from the ceiling to the floor—from the upper chakras to the root. Stopping asking everyone outside for answers to questions only you can answer. The hair story and the Two of Cups. And the hardest version of self-trust: trusting yourself when someone you deeply respect—an Ajq’ij who had spoken to the fire—chose you to walk the Saq Be, the white road. The body’s reaction. The quiet sovereignty of parting ways. And finally: trusting yourself even when you are an unreliable witness—when you are upset, emotional, angry, frustrated.
Closing
Start: 0:41:21
For those just beginning to build the muscle: sit in silence, ask the question on your heart, let the answer emerge. Follow it—even if it requires a deal. And if the answer hasn’t come yet, don’t answer yet. Give yourself the spaciousness of sacred timing. Self-trust is not found. It is built through noticing, through following, through the evidence that accumulates when you dare to listen. You were always worth following. This practice is simply the remembering of that.
A Note on Devotional Practice
Start: 0:43:22
This transmission is one way we build self-trust. But it is not the only way. The Altar—monthly Cacao rituals, Kundalini sound journeys, restorative yoga, ancestral gatherings—as containers for returning to yourself. Three upcoming in-person offerings.
Exercise: Building the Muscle
Start: 0:46:56
A guided closing practice. Feet on the floor, three slow breaths, and one question brought inward—not to the mind, but dropped down into the belly, into the base. Feeling for the answer rather than hearing it. Learning to recognize a yes and a no in the body. This is how self-trust is remembered.
